Guano: The Magic Ingredient

Guano: the magic ingredient
Punam Khaira Sidhu

IT’s the season of “guano” or bird droppings. A popular toothpaste starts the day with the bland colourless toothpaste presumably of its competitor. As the model sticks his bleary-eyed face out onto the balcony, there’s a “splat”, as a generous quantity of bird dropping lands somewhere. The message is that the competitor’s toothpaste is indistinguishable from bird dropping; not so its own, dressed up in technicolour stripes of blue and red.

A popular softdrink manufacturer spoofs its competitor’s campaign with a derisive mock-up of its kite-flying and paper boat racing multi-starrer commercial and looks skywards for rain but all they get is a “splat” of bird dropping “all taste no gyan” goes the byeline.

Cut to another cola war, where the protagonists in the advertisement add various ingredients to make the “grown-up drink” but find something missing in the taste until “splat” and the drink is proclaimed perfect with the addition of “toofani anda”.

Every season has its special leitmotif. The summer of 2002 will be remembered as the season of bird splat. Surely, a fitting symbol for falling standards in advertising and a Sensex that’s falling through the floor amidst dark threatening war clouds.

Before starring in Indian TV commercials, bird droppings have long been known to be an excellent fertiliser. In the Quichua language of the Inca civilisation, guano means “the droppings of sea birds”. On the rainless islands and coast of South American Peru, guano deposits collected rapidly. The Inca discovered their value as a rich nitrogenous fertiliser. Chosen caretakers were allowed access to this treasured soil fertiliser. Anyone disturbing the rookeries faced punishment by death.

Guano became a very important part of the development of agriculture in the USA. In fact, in 1956 the US Congress passed “an act to authorise protection to be given to citizens of the United States who may discover guano, under which any citizen of the United States was authorised to take possession of and occupy any unclaimed island, rock or key containing guano. The discoverers of such islands were entitled to exclusive rights to the deposits thereon, but the guano could only be removed for the use of the citizens of the United States.” Desperate measures, to ensure supplies of a valuable soil enricher for US farmers.

Today “guano” refers to both seabird and bat manure. Bat guano originates in the southwest deserts of the USA and Mexico. It is high in trace elements and nitrogen. Since it is so fast acting, it makes a great potting soil mixer. Today, those practicing Hydroponic agriculture are finding that guano and water are a natural alternative to chemical solutions. Evidently, there’s more to bird droppings than being the magic ingredient in cola wars. Perhaps we could offer Pakistan a lifelong supply of guano for a lasting package of peace.