MY son turned 13 in October. Suddenly my girl-hater little boy was a young man with a new gleam in his eyes. That gleam, I realised with a sinking heart, was brought on by the female of the species. Whatever happened to “Oh girls, they’re disgusting!” After the initial despondency, the mom in me took over and as always, I wanted my son to excel in this new arena in his life too. That is the reason I decided to educate my son in the finer aspects of impressing girls. I proceeded laboriously through how girls were impressed by thoughtfulness, courtesy and sensitivity and that training in the said qualities should begin by practicing on his old mom at home: by helping me lay the table, complimenting my cooking and pulling out the occasional dining chair for me. My husband who had been watching the interchange with disbelief, intervened then, with, “Allow me dear, surely I am better qualified” and relieved me of my travails.
“Remember son”, he proceeded smoothly, “the ten golden rules and you won’t even need the Axe deodorant to get all the girls”.
Rule 1: “The truth never gets you far with women but neither do patent lies. Never tell a fat woman she’s fat, neither can you tell her she’s thin: a smart man tells her she’s voluptuous.
Rule 2: Compliments get you everywhere with women. There isn’t a woman who doesn’t like being called a girl and most girls are delighted to be told they’re almost women.
Rule 3: Gifts help you score with women of all ages. There isn’t a woman who doesn’t “adore” gifts.
Rule 4: The new woman likes to be in charge; let her make the first move but then take over.No woman likes to pay her own bills.
Rule 5: Every woman is papa’s girl. They all think their father is the greatest: make sure you let her know you think so too.
Rule 6: Never take what a woman says at face value: when she says she wants to go, it usually means she wants you to ask her to stay.
Rule 7: Don’t argue with a woman. Just agree to all she says but then go on and do just what you want to.
Rule 8: Never forget a woman’s birthday but never ever ask her how old she is.
Rule 9: Do take care of B.O: don’t smell like a “bakri”.
Rule10: Finally watch out for “trick questions” and use the “silence is golden” maxim.
It was my turn to stare in disbelief. Men are from Mars and women from Venus etc etc …. But is that how men see women? Vain, conceited, gift happy and sensorally challenged? I recognise that I cannot be objective here. It takes all sorts to make up the world. There are girls and there are girls. I hope my son meets that one woman who will make him realise there’s more to the female of the species than the ten golden rules.
But I have to admit, howsoever grudgingly, that the husband’s rules work well. I realise now that they are perhaps the formula for our 15 years of togetherness, with only minor hiccups.
http://www.tribuneindia.com/2003/20031025/edit.htm#6
“Remember son”, he proceeded smoothly, “the ten golden rules and you won’t even need the Axe deodorant to get all the girls”.
Rule 1: “The truth never gets you far with women but neither do patent lies. Never tell a fat woman she’s fat, neither can you tell her she’s thin: a smart man tells her she’s voluptuous.
Rule 2: Compliments get you everywhere with women. There isn’t a woman who doesn’t like being called a girl and most girls are delighted to be told they’re almost women.
Rule 3: Gifts help you score with women of all ages. There isn’t a woman who doesn’t “adore” gifts.
Rule 4: The new woman likes to be in charge; let her make the first move but then take over.No woman likes to pay her own bills.
Rule 5: Every woman is papa’s girl. They all think their father is the greatest: make sure you let her know you think so too.
Rule 6: Never take what a woman says at face value: when she says she wants to go, it usually means she wants you to ask her to stay.
Rule 7: Don’t argue with a woman. Just agree to all she says but then go on and do just what you want to.
Rule 8: Never forget a woman’s birthday but never ever ask her how old she is.
Rule 9: Do take care of B.O: don’t smell like a “bakri”.
Rule10: Finally watch out for “trick questions” and use the “silence is golden” maxim.
It was my turn to stare in disbelief. Men are from Mars and women from Venus etc etc …. But is that how men see women? Vain, conceited, gift happy and sensorally challenged? I recognise that I cannot be objective here. It takes all sorts to make up the world. There are girls and there are girls. I hope my son meets that one woman who will make him realise there’s more to the female of the species than the ten golden rules.
But I have to admit, howsoever grudgingly, that the husband’s rules work well. I realise now that they are perhaps the formula for our 15 years of togetherness, with only minor hiccups.
